Its been awhile since my last blog post. I’ve been recharging. Its hard for someone like myself who is type A, hard to sit with my thoughts, has been overcrowding my life for the past several years, and just generally active person. And the ironic thing is I was overcrowding my life with all the supposed “good” stuff. I got so into yoga and wellness that I became a yoga teacher and wellness coach! Of course I did this while balancing starting a new full time job. I moved. I lost a dog and adopted two new dogs. I tried to get pregnant only to find out that was not a viable option for my partner and I. And I dealt with a very painful situation that was a direct result of me pursuing “wellness”, actually a couple of them to be honest. Both involving rejection and having to look at some very painful parts of my myself. I started a business. Oh and then there was this pandemic.
I’m not saying all of this to list out my accomplishments, which yes, I am proud of, but just to show that I really thought I was moving into a higher level of well being. I wanted to deepen my yoga practice, and learn about the science behind wellness coaching so I could help myself and others. But what I found out that through all this searching I ended up back where I started, back with myself. I learned alot, and I proved to myself that I could do yet another thing. That I was “good enough.” That I would feel better if I “reached for my dreams” and didn’t waste any more time. That I could do whatever I put my mind to. That I had grit. And so on and so forth. Ok so what now? Well, I burned myself out yet again. I put the cart before the horse and thought some certificate or external validation would elevate my life somehow. After enough struggle, and pain, I surrendered, again. And again, I am so thankful for the lessons.
“It is more important to know that you don’t know, than to know what you know.”
― Ken Poirot
- I learned that the wellness industry is f’d up, to say the least. Sure there are altruistic, humble, and well intentioned people out there. You know who you are. But as a whole, I feel that the wellness industry has lost sight of what they intended. Its just another product, a commodity, part of capitalism, whether it is a service, or a supplement, or book, they are trying to sell you something under the premise that you are not well. That you need whatever it is they are selling to “change your life” or “find your true self” or “live your dream.” Or this product will finally give you the energy you seek, the sleep you long for, or the self confidence you are chasing.
- No amount of self serving wellness is going to change your life. Because what is the end goal? That you are successful? What even is success? Is making a 6 figure income off of being a wellness entrepreneur going to be the definition of success. Maybe for many people but not for me. I need to feel impact in my life and in other peoples. I am no salesman. I am no hustler. I’m just trying to find contentment in my life and through that process help others do the same. Be careful of false prophets. You could be a wellness “guru” and not even know it if you are truly in service of the greater good.
- Nobody has the answer. Sorry, but you have the answer. This is what I love about coaching and yoga teaching, because all we do is hold space. Sure there is a process but it always comes back to you. There are no shortcuts. Its so ironic that the very industries that teach you these basic tenants are the very industries that are trying to convince you they have the answers.
- You don’t have to turn everything into a commodity to make money of of. You can just enjoy a craft. I almost am convinced that people shouldn’t do this for a living. When I say that I mean supporting themselves, which by the way, is very rare, for someone to be fully self supporting in this business, unless they live very meagerly. If you have family support and you don’t have to use your income to support yourself then lucky you, you have been given that gift. But when it starts becoming about the bottom line, I would find it very hard to keep the altruistic goal.
- Wherever you go there you are. No amount of wellness services, wellness businesses, or wellness titles, are ever going to be the magic answer to what really ails you. That takes time, mistakes, humility, and rest. That takes silence, reflection, solace, and service. It is unglorified, unrecognized, and only realized by you. To thine own self be true.
Disconnection has actually helped me reconnect. Reconnect with my true self. Reconnect with others in a more meaningful way. Less striving and more being. Less tension and more ease.
“So I’ll [continue to] sift and I’ll sort and I'll come to yet new awarenesses of what I really want.” -Abraham Hicks